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Sunday, 24 May 2009

image for Woman Discovers Suspected Co-joined Twins Not Related
Siamese twins or teen sex?

Mary Ellen Hirsch has learned that she is more gullible than she originally thought. This discovery came to her when she learned that Bob Mitchell and Susan Holmes were not only not co-joined twins, they weren't even related.

Mrs. Hirsch was allowing her daughter to hold an "end of the school year" party at her Plano, Texas home on Friday. She walked into one of the bedrooms because she thought she had heard a noise and found nearly naked Bob and Susan on a bed.

Bob's right hand was on Susan's left breast, while her right hand had an apparent firm grip on his penis. The two explained to Mary Ellen that they were trying to apply ointment to a bugbite and that they were born that way.

Knowing of the recent outbreak of Nile River Virus and Swine Flu, Mrs. Hirsch decided to take no chances with the medically fragile teens and phoned an ambulance to take them to the hospital for treatment.

While awaiting the ambulance, the two teens explained to their hostess why they were unable to be surgically separated. They said that if they cut off Susan's hand, he would always walk around with a hand attached to his penis (making sex wierd), but if they were to castrate him, Susan would always walk around school with a penis in her hand (making typing and writing difficult and embarrasing). The same would be true for the hand on the breast.

Timothy Jarvis, one of the E.M.T.'s that responded to the call, said that "I didn't really think that they were Siamese Twins at all. His hand kept tickling he nipple and rubbing around on her breast, while she kept flicking at his testicles and rubbing up and down and masturbating his penis."

"I was also suspicious because one had brown hair and the other was a redhead, one had blue eyes and the other green, and one was tall and skinny while she was shorter and stockier."

In the end, he just ended up throwing a bucket of cold water on the two and they were no longer attached.

Further inspection revealed no insect bite, but there were a couple of new hickeys and various human bite marks.

Mrs. Hirsch expressed embarrasment over the situation and her gullibility and wondered "Does this mean that those two other Siamese Twins I discovered in that 69 position a few years ago were lying too?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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