There was terror in a West Midlands town this morning, when a Dudley man woke to find that the sun, which habitually rises in the east, had, instead, risen apocalyptically in the west, sparking fears that the end of the world was about to take place.
The man, who cannot be named because he is a drunken lech, had enjoyed a pleasant Friday evening touring various drinking dens around the Black Country locality, and had consumed a 'moderate amount' of alcohol before returning to his home at around 3am.
Not being able to find his keys, however, he took refuge in the telephone box outside his home, and promptly fell asleep therein.
The lech takes up the story:
"Normally, when ah wake up, the sun is at the left-hand side of me, streaming through the winder. The winder faces east, but when ah wock up today, the sun was at me right - er, west! Ah fair near shit mesen!"
It transpired, however...well, you know what transpired, don't you, you silly cunts. Now fuck off, and get on with summat more useful than reading this shit.