Written by matwil
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Monday, 4 May 2009

image for Scientists identify outbreak of new 'Obama 'flu'
'I'm leaving, on - let us say, with certainty - a motorised propulsion machine, of various coloring ...'

Just as the world was reeling after millions - well thousands ... OK, hundreds ... oh, all right then, three people caught swine 'flu in England, scientists revealed that a new form of the 'flu virus had broken out in Washington DC.

New resident White House doctor Professor George W Bush, having easily studied for and gained a degree in medicine, said: 'This new 'flu sure is a bad one! Yeppers, it's one mother of a buggy. Symptoms of catching Obama 'flu include odd speech patterns, long sentences with long words that sound very impressive but mean absolutely nothing at all, and uncontrollable waving of the right hand.'

'Also developing a rather nauseating fake smile, and getting the sudden urge to jet off to foreign countries for no reason at all. People wrongly thought I got it, when I appeared in Albania, waving and smiling, but I didn't have the unmistakingly correct mispronunciation of longular wordies. If you get my drift ...'.

And off the record, the White House's cleaning lady, Michelle Obama, confirmed that her husband had the new strain of the 'flu. 'He was fine until election day, talking normally and seeming sincere and intelligent, nobody could have predicted what would suddenly happen. The very next day he started the cheesy grins and obsessive waving, and kept ringing up airlines to book flights to Europe.'

'And started making weirder and weirder short speeches, that were all total gobbledegook. Man, he got the 'flu bad! So to protect myself and my daughters I just pretended I hadn't noticed he'd caught it, so off he flew to London - still smiling and waving from the plane window - and we've not seen him since. Means there's no chance we might catch the bug, and it sure is relaxing with just us girls here!'

The Obama 'flu is rarely fatal, and if basic common-sense health measures are taken there is little chance of catching it, but some scientists were concerned that another similar illness, journalist 'flu, may have broken out at the same time as the Obama strain.

Symptoms include filling up page after page in newspapers with ridiculous stories about what is hardly worse than the common cold for most people, while forgetting to remind the public that Britain and the United States have almost bankrupted themselves after disastrous financial decisions.

'Thousands may die of Obama 'flu!', screamed the Daily Express, 'Man sneezes in Wales!', said The Sun, and 'Asylum seekers bring devastatingly evil 'flu across the Channel' was from the Daily Mail. The Financial Times, as always more shrewd about the news in Britain, merely stated:

'Messers Darling and Brown would have been sacked and probably shot at dawn if they'd been running a business in the same way as they've been running the country. Shares in RBOS are now worth less than the paper they're printed on.'

The public should avoid grinning, hand-waving politicians, who talk childish nonsense without really saying anything about reality. That won't make the Obama 'flu go away, but it will make people's lives a whole lot happier. Dr. Bush was out at lunch.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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