Written by Fergie73
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Monday, 4 May 2009

image for Archaeologists: "Stonehenge was built simply to confuse us"
The Neolithic version of drunken students picking up traffic cones?

New excavations at Stonehenge appear to point to the great monument having been built with the sole purpose of baffling archaeologists.

'We make a mistake sometimes,' explained Professor Bluestone-Lintel of Leicester University, 'in assuming that Neolithic people were very different to us; that they created a culture of monumentality based around beliefs and ritual. In fact they may have been very much like us. The evidence appears to suggest monuments like Stonehenge were probably the result of a few people getting rat-arsed and deciding it would be a laugh to pinch some stones from Wales, then stick them in Wessex in a circle to confuse people later.'

The new evidence came to light during a recent dig - to be shown on a Time Team special next week. 'We were digging holes going by geophys results,' says Tony Robinson (who himself has never dug a hole in his life), 'and each time we looked at an anomaly it turned out to be a pile of flint arrows, pointing North East. We were very excited, feeling we were being led to something truly fascinating which would really aid our understanding.' However, on digging the final trench, it was revealed that the long treasure hunt yielded only a pile of stones shaped like this: :-p

It follows the exciting find of a carved stone in Orkney, believed to be the first evidence of writing in prehistoric Britain. What initially had looked like just lines on the stone was discovered in fact to be an ancient form of Linear B writing, of the type used in ancient Greece. Academics around the world rushed to uncover its meaning, only to discover it seems to translate as, LOL! Not really worth the effort to translate, was it ;-)

'It gives us evidence,' says Professor Bluestone-Lintel, 'that we are dealing with a people that had a sense of humour, albeit a juvenile and deeply irritating one - rather reminiscent of my students. In many ways, however, this is an exciting step forward in understanding their society, if one still wishes to.' The professor himself has given up studying the Neolithic and moved to the Romans, who seem, 'a far more mature civilization.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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