Written by Khadija
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Saturday, 2 May 2009

image for Clint Eastwood is Stan Laurel's son - truth revealed at last!
Prof S.Western at the 'Lee Van Cleef University' says Clint is Stan's son!

Eddie Large has seen his career revitalised with the overnight success of singer Susan Boyle - many people are claiming they are one and the same- at the most and at the least identical, fraternal twins.

Clint Eastwood 53, has also been dogged by a similar rumour for years- he is thought to be the forgotten son of Stan Laurel.

The source of the rumour was an Italian newspaper from the days when Clint Eastwood was making spaghetti westerns in Italy. An article on Eastwood was illustrated by a portrait of a happily smiling Eastwood and the caption pointed out the likeness to Stan Laurel.

Now scientists at the 'The Lee Van Cleef University of Life Sciences and Aqua-Biomechanics ' have conclusive proof Stan Laurel is indeed Clint Eastwood's father. Professor S. Western said "We took some DNA samples from Stanley's Bowler hat and Clint's Stetson and bingo-bango a perfect match. You only have to look at the two men to see the resemblance; the long face, small eyes, pale skin, long legs, slim build, fair thick spiky hair that comically sticks up, it's all there"

"Clint Eastwood has tried to distant himself from the image of his father" added the professor "But it doesn't work you can't deny your genes. Stan was better known for being cowardly and hiding behind Oliver, who really didn't look like he would be useful in a fight- unless you were blowing a horn, as in 'SAPS AT SEA'. But Stan occasionally demonstrated signs of the mean, ruthless, renegade outlaw his son Clint portrayed so well".

In 'MUSIC BOX' I remember Stan kicking a common housemaid up her 'daily duties' and if you freeze frame on the very point his foot goes up her ass, the expression on his face is identical to Clint's when he tries to hang Eli Wallach in the 'Good , the Bad and the Ugly'. Honest to God's truth".

When asked about the DNA match the professor waved his tie at us like 'Oliver Hardy' and became bashful in his views "There was a positive match, which PROVES Clint Eastwood is Stan Laurel's son, but the match also proved Jackie Chan, Hallie Berry, Chris Rock, Pamela Anderson and Leonard Nimoy are all Stan Laurel's sons too".

Clint Eastwood has had to combat the rumours of being a cowardly man's son, by becoming harder and harder in every film, until he is now made of steel and shoots fellow actors using real bullets. Eastwood said "If anyone asks me if Stan Laurel is my father again I will be forced to....hide under the bed covers with my bottom in the air, cry and beg my fat friend to help me. So go on make my day". Mr Eastwood then scratched his head and made his hair comically stick up and his knees knock together in fright.

Meanwhile in the UK the late great Peter Butterworth denied he was Susan Boyle, due to the fact he has been deceased for many years and Eddie Large was the most likely contender. Marianne Faithful still denies the relationship with the chocolate bar and Fatty Arbuckle is at a loss about that bottle story.

Watch this space...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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