Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Friday, 1 May 2009

image for Susan Boyle responsible for recent ice breakup, say scientists
New Ice Shelf breakup Theory: "Horton Hears A Who!"

Anarchic Shelf - Stunned with the accelerated manner in which the giant icebergs are falling into the ocean, scientists have been forced to consider another cause of the breakup of the Wilkins Ice Shelf in the anarchic.

"For those of us that are old enough to remember," explained a scientist that now subscribes to the new theory. "We have all seen that commercial with an opera lady shattering a crystal wine glass with just the sound of her voice. Well, it turns out we have sufficient cause to believe the Wilkins Ice Shelf breakup at the South Pole is not due to climate change, but Susan Boyle from the TV show 'Britain's Got Talent."

Scientists are calling the new ice shelf breakup hypothesis: "Horton Hears A Who!" Theory.

"To clearly," continued the scientist at the press conference. "We're not blaming her for the melting of the icebergs. That is still attributable to climate change. However, we are holding her responsible for the acceleration in the ice breakup."

Scientists theorize that the sound waves generated from the repeated downloading of Susan Boyle's singing video debut on YouTube all around the globe is causing the acceleration of the ice shelf breakup.

"All those sound waves from everybody's computer, iPod and iPhones speakers got to go somewhere," continued the scientist.

According to the new theory bases on the famous "Horton Hears A Who" book by Doctor Seuss, Susan Boyle's sound waves from her voice bounce against the atmosphere and back down to earth, causing tiny little fractures in the ice shelf which turn into giant fissures.

"Ironic that Susan Boyle would be our anti-JoJo [heroine from the Dr. Seuss book] dooming us all to our deaths," reflected the scientist. "She has the voice of an angel. Only, as it turns out, it's one that belongs to the Angel of Death."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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