DATELINE:JUAREZ-- The CDC and Homeland Security found the evil mastermind behind the Swine Flu outbreak in Mexico today. Juan de Pobre, aged 5, was arrested and taken to Gitmo for questioning. The little nino surrendered after a nine hour gun battle that took thirty lives.
At first glance, Juan seems like an average little boy in Juarez. His parents are farmers in Juarez and they raise peppers and tomatoes for a living. They make about $1000.00 a year. Juan goes to a local school where there is no electricity and running water.
Juan is an average Mexican boy who likes to play football and perform the occasional bioengineering experiment. He is fluent in Spanish, Vietnamese, French and dozens of other languages.
One day in March, Juan skipped school and hitchhiked to Mexico City. The little boy went to the airport and took a trip by himself to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. The little boy stole a sample of bird flu from a clinic for his new project. Juan then left Ho Chi Minh City for Paris. He bought several pigs from a farmer in La Cerdo, France. Juan took a few blood samples from the pigs, and returned to his impoverished home in Juarez.
Juan was very pleased with his international trip and took blood samples from some Mexican pigs. The little boy's bioengineering skills are only average. He had a little problem with the mitochondrial RNA fragments.
When it was done a new virus was born and the rest is history!
Juan says he did it for 'fun' and because he wanted to miss school for the next twelve years. The little boy will be held at Gitmo until trial next month. Juan doesn't seem to care. He is creating more viruses from anything he can find and plans to escape next week after "everybody drops dead."