Chris Moyles, sixty stones of rancid pork fat jammed into a 35 stone body and a face like Miss Piggy's snatch, is in hiding due to the recent outbreak of Swine Flu.
Listeners to his program were surprised to hear Chris Moyles had not left his house for a week and was presenting the show from a cupboard under the stairs.
This week has seen the passing of many famous swine, Miss Piggy, Porky-Pig, Pig from Pipkins, Pigsy from the seventies Japanese fantasy 'Monkey' and the greatest loss of all little 'Piglet' from 'Winnie the Pooh !'
The sight of his fellow omnivores dropping like flies around a pigs arse prompted Moyles to quarantine himself.
His other half who is human said "I have been pushing food through a little flap in the stair-door, but he won't come out and keeps shouting 'you are not getting me , you hear'. Frankly I am worring about his sanity and the porcine whiff radiating from the cupboard. It was not meant to a house a thirty-five stone swine, that's why we have a sty."
It is thought Chris, or Moylesy to his friends, will not leave the cupboard until the country is given the all clear.
But his other half said "I think it is best that he stays there for the rest of his days, he has become old, greyer and just plain embarrassing lately and let's face it, he doesn't have the face for telly. Come to think of it his body and personality are equally horrendous."
Please Note : Jade Goody is not connected to this story in any shape or form and any attempt to link her to this would be an act of cowardice.