Written by Wire Piddle
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Tuesday, 21 April 2009

image for Canada Anticipates Global Warming - Stockpiles Snow
Traditional Canadian Snow Hunter

In the anticipation of a rise in temperatures brought on by global warming, Canadians are being urged by their federal government to stockpile snow.

Alex Isbister, Canadian federal Minister of Environment, broadcast his 'snow collecting protocol' on national television last night. In his speech, he warned the Canadian public that some areas of the country may end up as parched as the Southwestern states in the U.S.

"Don't worry about changing your linens, bed spreads and drapes to Navajo designs. Don't worry about making the house on your roof flat or covering it with slate shingles. Don't worry about replacing your lawns with stones and suitably decorative cactii and succulents or colorful fruit-bearing trees. Just get on with the business of stockpiling snow. And once that's accomplished, you've got to find a reasonably cool place to put it."

"The freezer, my friends, works wonders."

"Get rid of those month old boxes of stale ice cream and those year old frozen beans, frozen peas and frozen bits of broccoli and cauliflower. Once that's done, fill the empty space with snow. Lots of it. As the temperatures outside rise an average of 2 degrees celsius, you'll find there won't be enough of the bloody stuff when you want it most."

When asked by one reporter what practical use there would be in stockpiling all that snow, the minister responded by saying that he didn't quite know just yet but that there were plenty of scientists in Ottawa working diligently in coming up with an answer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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