DATELINE:HOUSTON-- NASA received permission today from President Obama to launch thousands of hydrogen bombs directly at the sun. NASA blames the sun for global warming, skin cancer and a host of other ills. NASA hopes to totally destroy the despised disc and save the Earth!
The sun's destructive power is well known. The putrid-yellow monster causes nothing but trouble. The revolting, burning cesspool blasts the earth everyday with its deadly radiation. Many thousands of people die from melanoma each year, courtesy of the insane the serial-killer in the sky. NASA hopes the hydrogen bombs will end the sun's reign of terror forever.
The idea of nuking the sun came from the Obama Administration. "It's all about changing things, and retiring the sun seems like a good idea to me!" said the president.
NASA will launch the 1000 hydrogen bombs on Sunday. The bombs are synchronized to explode at different times on the surface of the sun Sunday night. NASA believes the synchronization will have a cascade effect on the sun and turn it a very black ball of carbon. The sun will cease to exist!
"I think it's a real cool thing to do." remarked Cathy Dumm of Philadelphia. "I won't have to worry about getting sunburned anymore. I also think it will be real cool to have a black sun, just like we have a black president too." said the self-described Obama-ton.