Written by Jordan Baugher
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Friday, 20 March 2009

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Doctors can now replace your busted brain with the fresh brain of a convicted felon.

Orlando, FL - Doctors at the University of the United States Medical Center have completed what they are calling the 'first successful brain transplant.'

Neurosurgeon Ed Andrews explained the procedure.

"Basically, we took out the old brain and put in a new one."

The patient, whose name has not been released, in accordance with medical confidentiality laws, was declared braindead three days ago after parasites devoured much of the soft tissue in his frontal lobe.

His brother explained how the family had almost given up hope, saying, "Well, you see, our family had almost given up hope."

But thanks to a new law passed last year by Florida's state legislature, the organs of death row inmates who have been executed or have pending executions can be made available to patients who would benefit from them. It was because of this law that an organ from convicted serial rapist and Republican commentator Errol Killins became a gift, giving a braindead patient a new shot at life.

"Daddy seems different since the operation," said the 12-year old daughter of the transplant recipient, "he says he wants to take me camping."

When asked how he felt about the procedure, the patient stated, "I woke up with a fat wife and a beer belly, which totally sucks, but the doctors say I'll be out of the hospital next week, and I plan to live life to the fullest."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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