Written by matwil
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Tuesday, 10 March 2009

image for New illness of Brown Nausea discovered
The first symptom of Barachnaphobia

In Washington DC today, medical experts announced the discovery of what they termed Brown Nausea.

'We had suspected the existence of Brown Nausea for a while', Dr. Spock Illogicus said, ' but only proved it was a real ailment when the British Prime Minister arrived for talks with President Obama this week. And such was the seriousness of the outbreak of nausea, we called it Brown Nausea.'

'Anyone suffering from this illness should take the following steps for their own safety - switch off the television, throw your newspapers in the bin, take yourself off the electoral register - if you're British - or vote Republican, if you're American.'

The Brown Nausea can hit anyone in the English-speaking world, and is usually brought on by watching or listening to nauseating slimy men in dark suits, with insincere reptilian smiles. It may be related to earlier worldwide outbreaks of Carteria and Nixomatosis, and the similar ailments of McCain's Syndrome and Barachnaphobia that struck down millions last year.

Professor of Nauseology at Oxford University, Sir Amy Blairhart, said: 'Well, ya know, Brown Nausea is rather distressing, I must admit, and we should all wash our hands all the time in, if I may, well, say so, what is the longest but not most, um, nauseatingly nauseous sentence since Cherie's wedding speech wasn't.'

And in Washington, President Obama - who suffered an attack of Barachnaphobia in 2008 - said 'People, this is now, we are we, nausea is nausea. Let us not, in effect, sound like a long-winded and, we must now say, insincere car salesman, for that way lies nauseosity in nauseous amounts.'

'I think we, the African - I mean we, the American people are strong enough, we are bold enough, we are lengthwise-galeforcey enough to withstand Brown Nausea in what can only mean change, change for our future, change for our children, ch-ch-ch-changes, ooh, look out all you rock'n'rollers, time may change me, but I can't trace time. Thank you.'

Anti-Brown Nausea vaccines will hopefully be distributed to all British and American citizens soon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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