Scientists have located the centre of the universe and found a dog there.
A team of astro-nanomoleculists at the University of Freelovenburgspeil, Dortman, charted the infinite and ever expanding universe to pinpoint the location of the Big Bang and the centre of it all.
Radio telescope measurements, backed by data from the Hubble telescope and astronauts at the International Space Station looking out the window, reveal barking from the second planetoid from the I2D42Cp star.
I2D42Cp has been renamed Sue Jenkins - after her fiancé bought the star's registration for Valentines Day.
"The dog is not just being man's number one friend, the animal is the universe's top pal," said study führer Zander Photoshopenhouse.
"To find a dog at Sue Jenkins proves many of Einstein's canine theories."
However the scientists are unable to explain why the pan-dimensional dog at the centre of the multi-verse is a dachshund.
"All calculations and canine space theories point to a Dalmatian or at least an Alsatian. The Sue Jenkins bitch could explain dark matter."
The team at the CERN Large Hadron Collider are expecting a litter of puppies alongside Higgs boson particles once it is fixed.
However the dogs will only exist for a millionth of a second - outraging animal rights groups.
Blair Stun, of googled-campaign group Dog Good, said: "These scientists will murder innocent dogs. Why? It makes me so angry to see their defenseless eyes pierced by science sticks."
Sue Jenkins, meanwhile, has been less than positive about discovery.
"I have been hounded by the press," she told the Sun
"I glad the Sun give me the opportunity to show off the real Sue Jenkins puppies and pussy to the universe.
"Once you have seen me naked, guys, I know what will be the centre of your universe."
Ms Jenkins, has now split from her fiancé, claiming the "star was a crap present, I wanted DVDs and chocolates like what is traditional for Valentines".