Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 18 February 2009

image for Apple unveil a new car
All the seats have hand-embroidered apples on them

Apple have decided to move into the automotive industry and have launched a direct competitor to the Smart Car, with double the price tag.

The new super-mini will be called the iCar Nano, and comes complete with a link to iTunes and an iPod dock so that a continuous stream of music can accompany any journey. Although it is a two seater, there is only one door, to aid with the design ethos of the vehicle.

The car featured on a recent episode of BBC2's Top Gear motoring magazine show, and was favourably received by the style conscious Richard Hammond, and safety conscious James May, whilst Jeremy Clarkson dug into his back-catalogue of Viz comics to call it the most pointless thing since a broken pencil.

The first model released does not have wheels, although a second edition, the 4W, comes with the more traditional four. Both versions have the same engine, but the 4W goes much faster than the original Nano, reaching the heady speed of 30 miles an hour, much less than the Smart Car, but in more style.

With a three litre fuel tank, the car can do an impressive forty-miles between refilling, which may be a lesser range than the Smart Car, or indeed, the Sinclair C5, but with a greater miles per gallon figure. The car features a host of innovative features, such as the patented multi-touch steering wheel, an integrated SatNav, privacy glass covering most of the car, and a patented fuel cap located in the centre of the underneath of the car - awkward to reach, but stylish and novel.

Customer uptake of the car has been impressive in the initial weeks, though professional reviews have been less than favourable.

"It doesn't go around corners," said Clarkson. "It doesn't go uphill; it only plays tunes by Queen and Madness, and you cannot get it to navigate you to anything other than an Apple Petrol station. Our nearest one is in San Diego, and the fuel tank won't get you that far."

James May had bought the original, wheeless version: "It's a superb safety feature, and almost impossible to crash."

"Who cares about all that?" said Richard Hammond pointing to the Cool Wall. "Just look how it looks!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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