Silicone vaginas and penises, part of a new virtual reality package offered by Microsoft Corporation makes its debut this weekend, and CEO Bill Gates, as usual, is behind the state of the art hardware and software for the game experience.
Said to rival the real thing, the hardware offered is called a Vaginal/Penis Card, and is the first offering in the 8800 Overclocked GTS+ model computer card that plugs into your PCIe slot. In addition, the package comes with a silicone vagina with removable Velcro hair, and is offered in different colors, or you can simply go bald for you molesters out there.
The new card comes bundled with software called "World of Vaginas and Penises," and hopes to latch on to the Internet freaks worldwide who are suspected of numbering in the billions. Also included are goggles, worn to make the experience more credible. And, who wouldn't be stimulated by a talking vagina staring him/her in the face while the vagina below works its magic on the crown jewels, or is attached to your face? The packaged bundle has accessories for both males and females. The female model has an attachment that makes the vagina stick to your vagina, and produces a sucking, swooshing, popping sensation, and the male version has an elastic band you slide over your head to stay secured to your face if you don't feel like poking it with your piece.
The bundled package also cums with a penis that is adjustable for females, and males. A "strap-on" attachment comes with it. Included are the software titles, "A Night with John Holmes" and "Virtual Midget Games." Both the vagina and penis can be plugged into the USB slots on your computer and comes with 15 foot extension cords. The penis can be adjusted from 3" to 14" depending on the depth of your caverns, and the vagina can expand and contract depending on your ego.
After the easy installation of the hardware, the silicone vagina, or penis, is put in place while the user chooses what lady, or man, he or she would like to be with while wearing the goggles. The sensations experienced are lifelike, and can be modified from pain to extreme pleasure, whatever your poison might be. For those that adore vaginal washing with their faces, this vagina talks, moans, screams, and also says, "not now, I have a headache," whereupon, the user can forcibly have his way with the vagina, or penis. With the touch of a couple of icons, you can visually create what type of sexual experience you wish. What's your pleasure, male, female, transvestite, hermaphrodite, eunuch, midget, 2 penises on one dude, 2 vaginas on one girl, or how about a penis and vagina on the same person? WOW! Mix and match until you find just the right combination.
Bill Gates told us to look for the upcoming software experience, "Crysis - Vaginas at War" and "Sword Fighting Penises" which will be in stores in about another month. The software is expected to appeal to the sadists and masochists, both male and female. "It's a virtual sex revolution on the Internet, and quite safe," said Bill.