Written by freezer101
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Topics: Airlines, foreskin

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

image for Scientists solve airline cargo space problem with foreskins
Donor foreskins taken from bleached Pygmies

Scientists, and researchers around the world are always finding novel ways to use parts from the human body, either when we die, or having surgery to repair the anatomy. Even umbilical cords from babies are being used in science's struggle to improve the quality of life.

Organ transplants are common today, as is using pieces of intestinal tissue to replace cancerous esophagus. The use of umbilical cord blood, and its cells for stem cell research to grow body parts are being used more and more as the field progresses.

Researchers last week found a use for foreskins taken from the circumcision of baby boys, and yes, even men who have decided to have the procedure done for hygienic reasons or pain management. This recycling of body parts, and of environmental waste, is becoming a fact of life as the planet goes "green."

Dr. Nip N'Tuck of the University of Madagascar, an obscure researcher studying foreskin design and application, discovered a rather unique way to save space on airlines that will revolutionize the industry as well as save passengers time, and more importantly, money with the new product.

Dr. Nip, as he likes to be called, and his trusted assistant, Igor Eunuch, decided to collect foreskins from all over the world, and make wallets from them after discovering there peculiar properties when sewn together.

Mr. Eunuch was the first to try out the new wallet. Holding it in his left hand, he started to rub it, and it slowly turned into a suitcase several times the size of the wallet. Further research disclosed that when the "excited" wallet, now a suitcase, was packed with clothes, smacking the suitcase with his hand made the suitcase return to being a wallet. The clothes now being compressed, and ready for transport in their compact form.

News of the revolutionary foreskins had the airline industry abuzz, and passengers applauding the invention. Airlines could now carry more cargo, and passengers would be passed on the savings with reduced ticket rates.

Dr. Nip has already contracted with Britney Spears, Elton John, Paris Hilton, Kathy Dyke, and President Barack Obama for a line of male, female, gay/lesbian, and Presidential accessories. The doctor warned that accessorizing the wallets, and purses with anything that pierces the skin will have detrimental effects on the expanding nature of the foreskin. The wallets and purses, however, come in various colors that reflect different ethnic skin colors. Donors are asked to remain anonymous, and refrain from bragging about the "size of their wallet".

When we spoke with President Obama about the potential for the transportation industry in hauling more goods due to the invention, he had nothing but praise for the scientist. "Now, if only we could put money into the wallet and rub it, the thing would turn into a suitcase full of money, now that would be a "stimulus" package everyone could live with." he joked.

The product comes with a warning not to insert it in any "orifices" of the human body, and/or given to anyone who might practice certain fetishes.

Look for them in your favorite stores cuming soon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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