Philadelphia PA-- It turns out babies are incredibly stupid! That is the opinion of Dr. Barbi Doll of the University of Pencilvania. Dr. Doll just completed a 20-year study of babies from every income and ethnic group. She concluded human babies are as dumb as an empty jar of pickles. Babies have an IQ of zero.
Dr. Barbi Doll is the chief anthropologist at Pen. She published her findings in the Journal of New England Quackery. Babies were tested on current events, arithmetic, and driving skills.
"We were just shocked how dim-witted they all were. We only tested babies less than a year old. You would not believe how stupid they were!" laughed the blonde haired beauty. "We held up a picture of Barack Obama, not one baby could identify him. I felt like slapping them-- they were so stupid."
The arithmetic was designed to be easy but the babies also failed that test. "Have you ever known anyone that can't add one plus one??" asked Dr. Doll. "Well these morons can't add even using their fingers. Absolutely pathetic! We didn't even bother with the differential calculus questions!" she sighed
Dr. Doll noted all the babies failed the driving test too. The babies were placed in driver's seat and were told to drive to City Hall. Most of the babies either cried or fell asleep. One baby did manage to fall under the drivers seat and get stuck for an hour. All the babies pissed all over the front seat of the car.
"I've just become so disgusted with these imbecilic infants. I've tested babies for twenty years and never found even one that can hold an intelligent conversation. I give up!" said the silly blonde doctor.