The Department of Health has announced that from March 1st 2009, health warnings for certain foods and drinks will be issued on a rota basis to save time. For example, during March butter will be bad for you, but good all April, bad again May etc. Red wine will be good/ bad alternate weeks, eggs will be on a 3-month cycle, jams and spreads on a 6-month cycle, and cereals bi-weekly.
Nuts in May
The move will, it is believed, save over 1,000 man-hours a year, with different scientists arriving at different conclusions all year. Chief Medical Officer Brian Hertz said in a statement that the public had the right to know the truth about the food they were eating on a week-by-week basis.
In a separate statement, Mr Z. Hackenbush, Shadow Minister for Health, caused outrage when he suggested that it doesn't really matter what you eat, in moderation, and that it was unlikely you would be killed by an egg. "You would be more likely to die from the chemicals which are legally pumped into or onto your food," he stated.