Written by IainB
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Monday, 12 January 2009

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Apple have decided to move out of the computer lab and into the kitchen - Apple's latest invention is the iToast toaster.

"We've examined the concept of the toaster from the ground up to see what people really want out of a toaster, and built a machine that does everything that they'd want a toaster to do," said Stephanie Jobs, Steve Jobs' alter ego. "Obviously just toasting bread would not let us market the iToast at a hundred dollars, because bread can be toasted for five bucks."

At ToastCon in Massachusetts Apple unveiled their latest creation to a wowed crowd. As expected, the toaster toasts bread, unfortunately, it will only toast Apple's bread, which is thick white sliced. There are no plans currently to expand the range of bread that the iToast will toast, but there are already several hacks available that will allow the iToast to toast brown bread. For those that do not wish to modify their iToast and limit themselves to Apple's iToast bread, there are all kinds of options available, from lightly browned to charcoaled.

"In addition to toasting," Stephanie continued, "the iToast will link into your iWiFi and report on the state of your toast from anywhere in the world. It also has the facility for plugging in SATA hard-disks to act as an additional storage medium, although you have to make sure the correct switch is thrown, otherwise it will toast the hard-disk."

iToast 2, scheduled for release later this year will expand the range of iBread to include medium thickness as well as automatically determine if a hard-drive has been plugged in and support Apple's iTunes to allow a suitable song to be selected for the duration the iToast is toasting. There are already a suite of applications that can be added to the iToast to automatically apply peanut butter and to toast iHotPockets.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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