BERKELEY, CA - Physicists at U.C. Berkeley, home of Shrodinger's cat for the last several years, have decided to give up their quantum kitty.
"He's become quite a nuisance lately. We love him to death, but his behavior is completely unpredictable," said Edward Kitten, one of the feline's guardians. "You just never know what he's going to do."
Nathan Seipurrg says Shrodinger's troublesome kitty is hampering work on Superstring Theory. "He's always batting the strings around, like they're some sort of toys. The quantum entanglement he caused last week took me six hours to unravel. And everywhere he goes, there always seems to be a bunch of broken flasks."
Alumni at U.C. Berkeley say they are relieved Shrodinger's cat will be put up for adoption, believing he has been the subject of cruel animal experimentation. Since the cat's arrival at Berkeley, rumors have circulated concerning a litter box specially equipped with radioactive substances, flasks of hydrocyanic acid and other devices that could prove detrimental to their furry friend. They claim they never know whether he will be alive from hour to hour, and credit his nine lives as the only reason he's still around.
The physicists have denied any wrongdoing, and several students admitted the theory that he has been mistreated seemed to collapse when they were invited in to observe the cat. Nevertheless, the reluctant scientists are using their wave functions to say goodbye to their clawed colleague.
"We'll miss him. It's going to be Bohring around here without him," said Kitten and Seipurrg. "But there are many worlds in which he might be happier. I hope we are able to find one of them for him."