Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Poo, Aspartame, Chocolate

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

image for Diabetic Chocolate Gives You The Shits
Put shit in, shit comes out

A report out today claims that Diabetic Chocolate can have a rather unwanted laxative effect upon its consumers, and to condemn to a lengthy period of The Shits.

Two companies who sell the specialist chocolate, Boots and Thorntons, have said that the chocolate does contain some ingredients which could have a laxative effect, but they are only included in very small amounts, and the chocolate should, therefore, be safe.

Not so, says a diabetic Edward Grimbald from Leeds, who ate some of the product he bought from one of the shops, which is more traditionally known as a chemist. He said:

"The chocolate were lovely, but no sooner had I eaten the last one, me tummy were a-chatterin', and arse were a-rumblin'. I barely med it t' bog!"

Another dissatisfied customer was Alice Clodd, of Wolverhampton. She was 'taken ill' after shoving an 800 grams of diabetic diarrhoea-inducing delicacies down her gullet last week. Alice said:

"I was a bit peckish. I had this diabetic chocolate, and within 10 minutes, I'd shit enough for a team of rugby players after their Christmas do and a curry. It's lethal!"

Dave Brown, spokesman for Shittem's Chocolates, said:

"What we put in our chocolates is our business. If it makes people's bowels irritable, then they should be careful before scoffing the whole pack. Greedy fuckers!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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