A report out today claims that Diabetic Chocolate can have a rather unwanted laxative effect upon its consumers, and to condemn to a lengthy period of The Shits.
Two companies who sell the specialist chocolate, Boots and Thorntons, have said that the chocolate does contain some ingredients which could have a laxative effect, but they are only included in very small amounts, and the chocolate should, therefore, be safe.
Not so, says a diabetic Edward Grimbald from Leeds, who ate some of the product he bought from one of the shops, which is more traditionally known as a chemist. He said:
"The chocolate were lovely, but no sooner had I eaten the last one, me tummy were a-chatterin', and arse were a-rumblin'. I barely med it t' bog!"
Another dissatisfied customer was Alice Clodd, of Wolverhampton. She was 'taken ill' after shoving an 800 grams of diabetic diarrhoea-inducing delicacies down her gullet last week. Alice said:
"I was a bit peckish. I had this diabetic chocolate, and within 10 minutes, I'd shit enough for a team of rugby players after their Christmas do and a curry. It's lethal!"
Dave Brown, spokesman for Shittem's Chocolates, said:
"What we put in our chocolates is our business. If it makes people's bowels irritable, then they should be careful before scoffing the whole pack. Greedy fuckers!"