Akrit Jaswal, the 12-year-old Indian boy, who has all the medical knowledge and experience of all the UK's doctors put together, has made a significant breakthrough in the search for a cure for boredom.
Akrit is thought to have an IQ higher than Einstein; at 3 years old, he was reciting Shakespeare. At 7, dressed in surgical garb that swamped his tiny frame, the precocious youngster performed his first surgical operation; at 9, his balls dropped, and now, whilst researching a cure for cancer, he has come up with his most important discovery yet: masturbation!
The 'little medical lad', as his parents call him, stumbled upon his flash of brilliance when taking a break from work at his laboratory in Delhi. He noticed a nurse's cleavage, and felt a lump in his pants. A closer investigation revealed a hard-on so stiff, it could have cut diamonds.
Akrit never looked back, and has been wanking furiously ever since. He has now decided to share his immense knowledge and experience with others of his age.
He was invited by specialists in his field to spend two weeks at Imperial College, London, to share his expertise and thoughts with researchers into various conditions.
After the visit, one doctor said:
"He's a right clever little tosser!"