Written by Oriole Jazzbo
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Topics: moon, cheese

Monday, 15 December 2008

image for Moon mystery solved: it's cheese, say eggheads
The moon: "cheesy"

After years of study, a highly-paid team of researchers has confirmed that the Moon is in fact made of cheese after all.

After visiting the moon in 1969, the American space agency NASA declared that the Earth's only natural satellite was composed of "bloody great big rocks, and not even very interesting ones. And it's all grey and you can't even get a decent beer". However, a new £5.8 billion study by researchers at De Montfort university has revealed that NASA are a bunch of stinking liars.

The research team's head nerd, Fraser Lumpkin, explained that after looking at the Moon through really powerful spectacles, they had proved beyond reasonable doubt that the Moon is indeed made of cheese, probably Caerphilly, though Wensleydale has not been ruled out. Said Lumpkin, "if you look at the moon, not only is it the right colour for cheese, but also if you look really closely you can see that there are dents in the surface, consistent with nibbling by giant space mice."

Top astrobloke Lord Patrick Moore said last night, "I bloody knew those yanks had to be lying! It's no wonder they stopped going back to the moon, because Americans wouldn't know good cheese if it robbed them on the subway at knifepoint. A British moon mission would have understood the importance of this great natural resource straight away, and would definitely have brought some back to put on crackers, or eat melted onto slices of thick brown toast, mmmmm, yummy."

De Montfort University now hopes to launch its own mission to the moon and is seeking to engage the services of Wallace and Gromit, who are understood to have prior experience in this area. When it was pointed out to them that Wallace and Gromit are in fact five inches high and made of plasticine, a spokesman for the university said, "that's OK, we'll just make the spacesuits really small."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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