Written by Jesus Budda
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Topics: God, bread

Friday, 12 December 2008

image for Man Cannot Live by Bread alone, claims God
God says lots of things. Most are shit. He knows it. I know it. You know it too. Well, you do now

God's been talking more bollox and this time it's about foodstuffs. The divine being was waiting in line at the local supermarket when he suddenly began preaching in his usual demented manner.

He said that man cannot live by bread alone - which is clearly shit, as Roger Cravencock, who lives in a cardboard box at the back entrance to the library, eats nothing but loafs of stale bread left out for the ducks day-in, day-out.

God said he was speaking "metaphorically", but everyone knew he was just backtracking and that it had been one his usual nonsense outbursts.

Early this month he said something equally shit: "love one another as I have loved you".
This was clearly bullshit, as God had been going around slapping the local kids the whole afternoon for no good reason. Then he got pissed and set fire to Mrs. Johnson's newly blue-rinsed hair. Clearly not the actions of a loving fellow.

Most people have now taken it upon themselves to ignore the stupid bastard whenever he says anything.

"It's like the boy who cried wolf", said one local woman, "except with God and instead of telling lies he just talks bollox".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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