Crisis on the Emerald Isle this evening, as millions of pigs in Ireland claimed that the feed they are given is of a very poor quality indeed.
One pig said:
"It's effing swill!"
At Mick Farm in Co. Donegal, several thousand pigs staged a protest at the poor standards of feed that they are given to eat, with many saying they will refuse to consume it should the quality not improve.
Some even said the farmers were adding something to the feed that could harm their customers.
A hunger strike was threatened by some of the more rebellious swine in Northern Ireland, whilst many others mimicked former IRA prisoners in the H-blocks, by smearing shit on the walls of their sty in a so-called 'dirty protest'.
Many farmers outside of Ireland said that the Irish farms were often run by "unscrupulous owners" who would stop at nothing to get their stocks to market quicker. Farmers Union leaders said there was likely to be a shortage of pigs and, therefore, of pork, should pigs refuse to eat their dinners.
Welsh farmers leader, Dai Oxin, said:
"The pigs are right! That muck they feed Irish swine isn't fit for Human Consumption*, although if eaten in large quantities, it may well cause it."