Written by Jesus Budda
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Topics: Science, velcro

Saturday, 13 December 2008

image for Scientists develop non-stick Velcro
This Squirrel says it welcomes the latest velcro developments but would rather be left alone to eat this lovely, ripe corn

Scientists working at MIT have developed an amazing new form of Velcro that does not stick.

"For millennia, people have sought a way to stop their sweaters getting stuck to the hood of their Velcro jackets. Now that glorious day has come", said Professor Steinberg, head of the development group

Traditional Velcro uses a series of thousands of tightly wound loops of fabric, which interlock like very fine tooth combs to create a bond. What the MIT scientists have done is fuck that whole idea up and replace it with thousands of pointless bits of string and fluff - the result is an absolute lack of stickiness.

One of the primary possible uses includes 'Kick Me' signs:

"How many times have you seen a nerd walking around with a great big 'Kick Me' sign stuck to his Polo neck?", asks the Professor, "Well imagine how much better his life would be if that sign didn't stick!".

The US military has been reported as being very interested in the development with regard to using it on flagpoles in Iraq and Afghanistan.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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