In a recent study by John Lennon University, Liverpool, it was shown that married men live on average seven years longer than their unmarried but dating counterparts. This outweighs any early deaths from being overweight, drinking too much or smoking.
Now the search is on for the reason.
The original hypothesis that married men were less stressed than their single counterparts was quickly disproved when all the married men on the team investigating reported that being married made them feel more stressed than being single. This was backed up with cortisol (the stress hormone) tests.
Now a controversial hypothesis is gaining ground.
After measuring the amount that the two groups fart, it was discovered that married men fart more on average than single men. Single men, it appears, are holding the gas in.
"We think that this is causing a build up of toxic gasses inside the body of single men," said Professor Rosseforp, letting off a rasping fart. "Since developing this hypothesis, I have decided to become a guinea pig and whenever I need to fart, I'll be free. It's played havoc with my dating, but this should ensure that I stay single for the course of the experiment, though."
This leaves a message for married men everywhere, fart when you like, as much as you like, because it's helping you live longer!