Written by Bullshot Bill
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Topics: evolution

Sunday, 30 November 2008

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Dr. Feelgood; "I knew it all along.".

Scientists at the WIATOSLTA convention in Denver, Colorado, U.S. of A., today agreed that the theory of evolution has been debunked (that doesn't mean kicked out of bed,.... although?).

Delegates to the WIATOSLTA (What Is All This Other Stuff Leading To Anyway) conference, organised by The Church Of We Are Right (COWAR), heard a detailed explanation of the fact (not theory) of Intelligent Design, and had no option but to cede the major points of the argument. While "conventional" science could only offer reason, facts and observation in support of evolution theory, COWAR experts presented conclusive evidence which showed that someone up there did it.

Some of the facts tendered by COWAR were irrefutable, including, but not limited to; how does evolution theory account for the following:

  • Birth defects
  • Aids
  • Cancer
  • Hate
  • War
  • Flood
  • Famine
  • Earthquake
  • Storm
  • Poverty
  • Disease
  • Greed

Can science prove that these are simply random act of nature? If not, then whence did they come? COWAR contended that the lack of scientific knowledge of the origins of these phenomena proves that they are the acts of a loving, caring God.

Palaeontologists attending the conference were reminded that Satan had planted all fossils on the Earth to confuse the mind of man, so that no truth could be extrapolated from these records, and that this confirmed that the Earth is only 4000 years old.

DNA records were also proven to be worthless when it was pointed out that DNA stood for Devil's Nasty Alternative.

Christian Fundamentalists attending the Conference say that they had no unique input or influence into the outcome, but rejoice in the fact that they have always been right. One delegate, Supreme Leader and First Prophet of the Church of Modern Apostles, Bishop Peter Ian Sinclair-Shipton (PISS), who is also a high-ranking member of the Ku Klux Klan, an ancient an honourable American institution, was quoted as saying " With all this disaster, hate, confusion, destruction, privation, inequality, mistrust, misery, squalor, degradation, starvation and desperation in the world who cannot believe that a benevolent and loving GOD is steering the course of humanity?".

Dr. Jeremiah Q. Feelgood, Convener of COWAR, said in an interview after the Conference; "Mffgfnsattr horetdsscja nhs whhhdsw. Fiiiass grummitheffs hrahhhhs hwwwwh". Dr. Feelgood's statement may have had more impact if his head hadn't been so far up his arse.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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