Written by Felix Minderbinder
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 29 November 2008

image for FDA Finds Fast Food, MSG and Aspartame Cause Alzheimer's
Another consumer faces brain degeneration

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- People fed junk food which included MSG and Aspartame for nine months developed the abnormal brain tangles typical of Alzheimer's disease, just released FDA research indicated on Friday.

The findings show how the typical American junk food diet full of toxic additives and rich in fat, sugar and cholesterol turn the human brain to jelly and cause dementia and Alzheimer's.

"Upon examining the brains of these people, we found neural degeneration just like that found in the Alzheimer brain," said Ralph Roachman, head of the FDA.

"We now understand that a high intake of this crap food which includes Aspartame and MSG causes the Alzheimer's and senility so typical of the average American citizen."

"Alzheimer's disease is totally incurable and is the most common form of dementia among poor bastards like this. It destroys the regions of the brain involving thought, memory and language," he chortled.

"These unfortunates become brainless consumers and also are useful as soldiers who fight in our wars to steal oil and further our imperial exploitation of poor countries like in Iraq and Afghanistan."

The FDA studied 390 poor people who were fed a diet rich in fat, sugar, cholesterol, Aspartame and MSG for nine months. Their meals represented the nutritional content of typical fast food.

The people showed chemical changes in their brains, indicating an abnormal build-up of proteins as well as total loss of reasoning ability and memory storage, Roachman said.

"There is no hope for people eating fast food full of those deadly additives," concluded Roachman. "But the profits to the fast food industry are immense, and people who have their brains destroyed are easier to exploit and control by the billionaires and Pentagon generals who run this country," he laughed.

Advanced drugs under development for millionaires are trying to remove the clumps of "beta amyloid protein" and neuronal tangles which are caused by Aspartame, MSG and other components of junk food that form the degenerative plaques in the brain.


--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

Make Felix Minderbinder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 3?

9 7 11 23

Go to top