Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Tuesday, 25 November 2008

image for Somali Pirates hijack Int'l Space Station; holding astronauts and cosmonauts aboard hostage; NASA calls on Obama for advice
Somali Pirates Arrr aboard the Int'l Space Station

Huston, Texas - Fresh from their defeat at the animatronic hands of the "Prorates of the Caribbean", after escaping Disneyland security and smuggling themselves onboard the last shuttle flight that docked with the Int'l Space Station (ISS) last week, Somali pirates spread their reign of terror to the heavens above, if ever so briefly.

Hiding in an airtight container until now, sometime late last night while the crew of the space station still slept, the Somali pirates slowly eased open the hermetically sealed lid and crept out.

Suddenly the space station's crew was awoken to the tune of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" theme song. Only it was not piped in from Mission Control, but hummed and sung to them in broken English by automatic weapon baring, knife welding misfit members the Somali pirates.

"We all woke up to the touch of a cold blade held to our throats," said Paul Hanson, space shuttle commander.

Ordered by the Somali pirates to the center of the space station, the ISS crew's abduction was carefully monitored back on Earth by Mission Control in Houston, Texas.

"We immediately called on President-Elect, Barack Obama, for advice," said Doug Hammel of Mission Control. "Then we piped in the call through the space station's intercom so the crew could talk directly to Obama."

"Everyone remain calm," said Obama. "Help is on the way. Is it possible to stall the Somali pirates until January 20, 2009? No? Well then, he's what you do."

"Obama then advised us to offer the Somali pirates jobs," said Mark Jackson, Mission Specialist. "He said that impoverished people sadly resort to crime in order supplement an otherwise absent income."

"Now giving the Somali pirates jobs is apart of my planned stimulus package to jolt the economy back on track," said Obama. "And to those that would say I am violating our nation's lax immigration laws by advising you astronauts to hire illegal aliens to do what no American would do, I remind you that there are no boarders in space."

Following Obama's advice to the letter, the crew offered the Somali pirates' temporary day labor jobs, picking up trash in the shuttlecraft and cleaning the space station's windows.

"At first, they said they didn't do windows," said Jackson "But when we offered to through in a universal healthcare package with full dental and vision and they agreed."

All gathered in the airlock of the International Space Station, holding cleaning buckets and wash cloths, the Somali pirates looked eager to earn an honest day's wages.

"Okay, everybody hold your breath now," said Jackson as he pulled back the leaver that opened the airlock, jettisoning the Somali pirates into space.

"You know it's surprising how long those guys could hold their breath until the lack of oxygen or an atmosphere killed them," said Helen Ramirez, Mission Specialist. "They kind of looked like piƱatas floating in space then exploding the way thy did. Hit by an invisible cosmic stick."

"I was surprised too," said Commander Hanson. "They nearly finished cleaning all the windows before they exploded. Of course, the windows are now messier than before."

Alas, so ended the ambitions of the Somali pirates, all their dreams of ruling the world cast among the stars for future pirates to navigate their wayward lives by.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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