Houston TX-- NASA astronomers confirmed today the planet Jupiter is about to become a second sun by 2012. The new sun will change life on earth forever and will have unexpected consequences, according to NASA scientists.
The solar-system's largest planet is really just a big ball of hydrogen gas. All it needed was a lighted match to catch on fire. NASA spokesperson Dr. Karl Saygun said that spark happened already in 2001. He lit a joint and spoke to TheSpoof.com.
"The Cassini-Huygens probe flew by Jupiter seven years ago." said the famed astronomer. "The probe carried a nuclear reactor. Radiation from the probe started a fusion chain reaction on Jupiter. It's a big planet and we just noticed it the other day." stated the stoned stargazer.
Scientists say the new sun will be too far away to effect weather conditions but should it look very beautiful. Dr. Saygun toked on a joint and explained further.
"Expect a dazzling, kaleidoscopic display from Jupiter!" said the stoned stargazer. "Expect new colours not even imagined! Expect to see the sky change from blue to green and orange. Expect the unexpected!" he trumpeted.
Scientists hope the other planets eventually turn into suns. Dr. Saygun had a few more hits from a nearby bong and spoke some more.
"Imagine how much nicer everything would look with eight suns instead of the boring one sun we have now. Space should be beautiful." said the stoner.