Written by Andrew J. Horne
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Topics: silicon valley, Logo

Tuesday, 8 June 2004

image for Apple Introduces Expensive White Box with Holes, Plug, and Logo
How it Works

SILICON VALLEY, CA June 8 - Apple today unveiled a new device called iBOX. This attractive white box plugs into a typical wall socket and draws an economical 650 watts of power simply to light up the its useless logo. However, before this is possible, one must register the device with the manufacturer by connecting it to a broadband internet connection. After typing in the 46-digit serial number using an apple-certified keyboard (sold separately), the green logo will begin flashing rapidly at the precise speed necessary to induce a seizure.

While the consumer is knocked unconscious from a furniture-related head injury, the iBOX wirelessly connects to one's home computer in order to download credit card numbers and other personal information.

"Before we took people's hard-earned money at a significantly slower pace with the unfortunate and time-consuming prerequisite of mediocre research-and-development," said Apple cofounder Steve Jobs, "Now we can take all their money really fast with this thing I made in my garage last weekend."

Jobs explained that the company's technologically-retarded consumer base was established with products that offered ease of use to all those unable to handle the complexity of a two-button mouse. Even those without a history of epilepsy in the family can still enjoy the blinking light that promises to be "just as fun and interesting as manually dragging and dropping unwanted files into a trashcan-shaped icon."

Pricing and Availability

The iDONO costs $429 and is available from www.apple.com

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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