In an unscientific but documented study of colored MM candies on human sex drive, British Pharmacist Dr. Benjamin Licken discovered what was described as a definite connection between the ingestion of blue MM's and positive effects on the male libido.
Testing the widespread belief that the green colored MM's were a natural aphrodisiac, Licken found quite the opposite was true for males tested in his six month study. "None of the other colors including green had any noticeable effect on the male sex drive, but the blue candies had an immediate impact" Licken said. "The results varied of course but for the most part, you could use my wiener as a coat rack, and I mean full length, heavy wool winter coats. Three to four of them, actually".
The pharmacist's wife and assistant in the study, Anita Licken says, "We plan to do a similar study on women and green MM's, but any chocolate seems to work for me. As for the male study, we hope to secure additional funding for years and years of further research". Mrs. Licken was seen smiling at her own comment.
Sensing more to the story, reporters asked Dr. Licken if the MM samples were tested for consistency of ingredients between tests, to which he replied, "My wife was responsible for setting out the samples and come to think of it, some of the blue MM's were crunchier and had a bitter aftertaste. Shortly after that, I found reason to give Mrs. Licken a good rogering."
Licken's hypothesis was later debunked by Oxford University Chemistry experts, when one test sample was found to contain blue MM's of the diamond-shaped, "Pfizer" stamped pill variety. "Apparently Mrs. Licken had been tampering with the samples in order to achieve the results she found to be in her best interest", one professor said. "I think she preferred test results that did NOT melt in her mouth or her hand".