Written by Aspartame Boy

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Topics: Aspartame

Saturday, 1 November 2008

image for Biologists Synthesize Bionic Superman Drink
Snapshot of me under the influence

BOWLING GREEN, KY - Biologists at BGU have synthesized a hormone that triggers temporary mutation of the human body into a super-strong green monster. The new compound is simple to make in a kitchen, and will probably be outlawed soon.

TheSpoof gained an exclusive audience with the team of scientists who explained that it is simple to mix up, and you don't have to buy a lot of over-the-counter drugs also too!

All you need to mix up a batch are five pounds of pure aspartame, a gallon of coffee, a gallon of carbonated water, and a quart of green food coloring. Mix the solution until all the white powder dissolves, then heat the mixture to 200 degrees F. Allow to cool prior to drinking.

Best to mix with snow from Alaska. It is said it not only increases strength, but mental powers also too. It also aids in being able to see Russia from your house also too.

The effects wear off in a few hours and you go back to looking like yourself again. I've killed several bears with my bear hands after drinking up a batch. Want some? Eh?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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