Houston TX-- NASA spokesman Dr. Karl Saygun announced at a joint news conference that Outer Space is filled with the sounds of human screaming. The news came a few weeks after NASA said space "smelled like burning steak."
Dr. Saygun was grim faced as the gave the information to the world. He was joined at the news conference with theologians from all the major religions. Their spokesperson was Cardinal Watcha Macallit, a Jesuit, who also holds many advanced degrees in astronomy.
Dr. Saygun first played a short tape of the screaming for the reporters. The tape came from the Cassini probe, which has been orbiting Saturn since 2004. The tape sounded as if millions of people were screaming in agony and panic. Men, women and children seemed to be begging for help as they burned
The audience of reporters sat in stunned silence for a few minutes after the tape was over. Even the most jaded reporter was stunned and many openly wept.
"This is not a Halloween joke." said Dr. Saygun. "The screaming was detected on all our space probes-- Voyager, MESSENGER, SoHo. It comes from all directions and never ends. We have heard the word 'help' shouted in English and every other language ever spoken. We have no idea what's going on. It is very frightening."
Cardinal Macallit next took the podium and gave some additional information. "This is very upsetting from a theological perspective. No one wants to hear women and children screaming and begging for help. We don't know what is happening either. Some medieval Catholic texts suggested Hell surrounds the Earth. That still doesn't answer the question of why children are involved. It is very,very upsetting."
The NASA chief also announced the space agency would be shutting down. All space probes are being disabled. The shuttle and space station will be dismantled. Cardinal Macallit gave the final words at the conference.
"Whatever is going on is too horrific to even think about. Space is filled with the smell of burning flesh and human screaming. Outer Space is a nightmare, something only Hieronymus Bosch could imagine." said the Cardinal. "We must all pray for guidance."