Cydonia, Mars - (X-Files Mess): A massive UFO mothership is impeding access to NASA's Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter space probe after it found vast deposits of firey opals in the Valles Marineris canyon complex near the Tharsis area of the red planet.
Satellite imagery beamed back to NASA HQ shows the craft emitting a powerful gamma ray force-field surrounding the entrance to the opals' cave site.
This has sparked speculation that opals may not be the only precious mineral in the region after images of diamond, gold and platinum samples were also beamed back.
Prof Ralph Milliken of NASA's Jet Convulsion Laboratory said today:
"We might have to nuke the pesky alien mothership to get at the precious stones. But hell, there's enough mineral resources up there to wipe out the entire global $5 trillion credit crunch debt one thousand times over!"
Steven Hawking is 69.