Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: Police, Pimp My Ride

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

image for Hey…Pimp my Ride…Coppa!
The Riot vehicle before being pimped

In an effort to remove the perpetrators of gun and knife crime off the street the Metropolitan Police have dreamt up of a new idea to catch these criminals. Inspired by the 'Childsnatcher' in the film 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' the police hope to catch thousands of delinquent kids but have not disclosed how they're going to dispose of them.

The police have given an old, surplus Ford Transit riot van to the guys at MTV's 'Pimp My Ride UK' to work their magic on. The van is finished in black with silver stars, and has wall to wall red shag-pile carpet, red leather button-back seats, a 60 inch plasma screen, a bar, a Sony Playstation, 2 computers (donated by The Gadget Show) and also disco lights. On the roof, an Mp3 player with top of the range amplifier has been mounted. In addition, to entice the children further, a needle exchange is on board and also condoms are given out free.

Chief Constable Nick Baddies told In Seine News;

"I was gob-smacked when Westwood walked into my office and broke the news to me! I'm really impressed with the job the team have done and plan to test it in Tower Hamlets, Greenwich, Bexley and Islington. If the project is successful, I plan to extend it to other London Boroughs. We have many riot vans surplus to our requirements as our statistics show that riots are down by 99.9%."

"Once we have enticed enough youths into the van then, at the press of a button, the doors lock remotely then shatter-proof glass encloses the driver's compartment and the van changes into a standard 'Black Maria' prison vehicle. The children are then taken away to an undisclosed location and need to be claimed by their parents. If they are not claimed within seven days, they will disappear for good. Oh... I nearly forgot Westwood has given it a really wicked name…'The Transformer'…cool eh?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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