Written by Frank Cotolo
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Topics: experts

Tuesday, 1 June 2004

image for Man who may be an island under scrutiny
A typical island that is not a man.

SUEY, Bermuda - The term "No man is an island" will be retired, say literary experts, now that a man who has been an island all of his life has been identified.

Cyrus Corpuscle was recently found after sixty-seven years of living alone and surrounded on all sides by water.

"Not only has he not had contact with any person in all that time," said Elias Mobart, a literary expert, "but the lower half of his body has never been out of the ocean. The man was a living island."

Mr. Corpuscle was found in the same spot he was allegedly born and where he also reportedly grew up, just off the coast of Suey, an isolated and population-free area.

"We are yet to find out how he was born in that spot or who his parents were or how he ate or slept," said Dexter Whitedove, another literary expert and author of the upcoming book, Clichés Are Fun.

Experts say the name Cyrus Corpuscle was tattooed on the man's neck and that the man did not know that is his name. "In fact," said Mobart, "he looks stupified, almost in a coma. He has not responded to any of our questions."

Skeptics immediately called the find a hoax and urged the press not to cover the story. Riles Bent, a scientist with many credentials, all of them sewed to the inner surface of his shirt, said, "Of course a man cannot be an island. The phrase is perfectly true and still valid. This fellow they claim to have found living like an island is a fake, a fraud and an insult to those of us who must live and communicate with others."

Another skeptic, Lukas Endolphin, who once threw an orange further than any living being, said, "This defies the laws of science and humanity. I don't believe it and neither does any scientist I have talked to since the claim was made. No man-I repeat-no man is an island or can be an island."

"He is truly an island," said Whitedove, "in every sense of the word. Literally and poetically. There is no way we can ever use the famous phrase again!"

Cyrus Corpuscle was taken to an institute to be studied and examined. Professor William Styropopholees, director of that institute, said, "We will put him through a series of tests, one after another, and determine if he has been, indeed, an island, or merely, as others have been proven to be, a peninsula."

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