Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 10 October 2008

image for Alien Contact A Result Of Blackpool Man's Penis

A Blackpool man who has the world's smallest penis, is in the spotlight this week, as scientists prepare for what they believe will be the first organised contact with aliens from another solar system.

Art Hurpint, 43, the owner of the tiny appendage, was interviewed in Scientific Phenomena Weekly about his involvement with the event. He said:

"My penis is less than one micron long, but weighs more than Saturn."

Even though this may be hard to comprehend for some readers, Hurpint's next revelation was even more stunning. Art again:

"It seems as if my knob is so small, that it acts as an ultrapowerful radio transmitter which can send signals over enormous distances, far further than the most powerful manmade transmitters.

"About two years ago, with the help of NASA scientists, I beamed a radio message to a distant solar system from my cock. We never expected a reply, but we got one! And now, next Tuesday, the 14th October 2008, we will finally bring aliens to Earth for the first time! I'm so proud!"

Dr Algernon Doowicky, technical analyst at NASA, told us:

"Mr Hurpint is a very special man with a very special cock. It may be small, but it really packs a punch! Apart from the imbalance in its size/weight ratio, it has no surface, and, even with the aid of an electron microscope, only the inside of it can be seen - a bit like a Swatch Jelly! The signal was sent to a solar system 100million light years away - Zyklon23cz7 - but a replying signal came back after only 45 minutes! It's absolutely astonishing!"

Mr Hurpint has been flown to the US for Tuesday's rendezvous at a location chosen by the aliens at map coordinates 32°3'3"N, 81°6'14"W - at Savannah, Georgia in the US.

Hurpint said:

"I wonder what they'll look like! It's going to be a great day out, and it's all thanks to my tiny but heavy cock!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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