Scientists at the South West Welsh University (South West Wales) have discovered why it rains more at the weekend.
"As a multitude of home sapiens are cognisant of," Dr. Christopher Verbose (MBE, MSC, BScH, Phd, SCISP) said, "Precipitation has a causality of atmospheric particulates. However, precipitation forming vapour can assemble around a multitude of atmospheric pollutants."
Verbose continued: "Mowing monocotyledonous vegetation discharges gaseous disulphuric hydroxy phosphorous, whilst open flame al fresco grilling releases benzo-carbonic dimethyl ammonia. Utilisation of air-currents to reduce the moisture content of laundered apparel, or the application of cleansing material to personal vehicles emit dihydrogen-monoxide vapour. The combinatorial effect of the emanations from these activities is the production of stratocumulus in the immediate vicinity of said activities.
"During the working week, these activities are reduced in number, whilst on Saturday and Sunday, a greater proportion of the populace becomes involved.
"Hence," he added with a beaming smile, "Greater precipitation!"
Fortunately, Dr. Verbose's assistant, Mary Terse was on hand to translate. "He said, most people know clouds form around dust, but they can form around anything in the air. Mowing, BBQs, drying clothes and washing cars all produce stuff that goes up. We do this more at the weekend, so it rains."
Despite the extensive scientific survey, The Spoof can exclusively reveal the real reason it rains more at the weekend is because Thor, the Thunder God, is angry at Mr Phillips of Dorchester for cutting him up on the M6 in 1972.