Written by Carl LaFong
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Tuesday, 7 October 2008

image for Al Gore to ban OXO Cubes
Oxo - in non-cube form.

Following his success at the Nobel awards, Al Gore, the self proclaimed saviour of our planet, has shifted his attention to carnivores who, according to a recent study, have perpetuated the rise in global temperatures significantly.

The study, carried out by an independent body, has found that meat eaters are responsible for more than 70% or all green house gas emissions.

How can this be so? As a lover of both the planet, and bacon sandwiches I find myself perplexed - do I continue to enjoy my weekly, medium-rare fillet mignon, or acquire the taste for nut cutlets in order to save the planet.

The cause, the study has found, is the large quantity of emissions of green house gases emitted by our bovine friend the humble cow. Specially bred cattle, used solely in the production of stock cubes, produce a type of Methane gas that has been proven to be the most efficient green house gas present in the atmosphere.

According to the latest computer model technology the global temperature will rise as much as 6 degrees in the next 10 to 15 years if the trend for using beef stock continues a spokesman for the study said, "If we carry on using these convenient little cubes in our cooking we will very quickly destroy this beautiful planet."

The study calls for a global reduction in the use of stock cubes and suggests some radical action. A global "cull" to eradicate the problem should not be ruled out - such is the seriousness of this problem. Animal rights campaigners are suggesting a less radical solution.

The revolutionary "Adopt a cow" system is currently being tested in Paraguay and if successful could be tried out in the UK and Europe. The system requires that participants take one animal into their home. Breeding will be prohibited to prevent over population and a further rise in global temperature. This way the animals get to live out their life in comfort until they die of natural causes. And, because a cow convects more heat than an average central heating boiler, there will be financial rewards for those taking part.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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