Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Google

Monday, 29 September 2008

image for Google to Integrate All Public Records
Google designers review their new integrated solution

Winning its bid to sole source the integration of all public and private images, webcams, text, websites and video for NATO countries, Google is now the single provider of all indexed electronic content to the free world. The project will be the first one of its kind, providing instant link access to anything relevant on a key word search with the Google engine.

Founder of Google, Larry Page, says that the disk storage requirements for the new pages, text and video take them into previously uncharted territory. "We used to measure storage in terms like Terabytes and Petabytes, but now we had to give our storage measurements a new and larger name. We're calling it Shitloadbytes." Google says that the disk alone would fill an empty Wal-Mart store.

Critics of the announcement say that Google will wield too much power. Professor Heywood Jablome from Cal State University says, "Think of it. Anyone could type in a person's name and get access to personal webcams, documents, pictures, audio clips, police records, job applications, drug tests. I don't care to find documents out there from my wife and her ex-husband. Nude video maybe, but not documents."

Larry Page countered the criticism with, "Think of all the new historical public records that could be searched for school projects, reference drawings for architects, building layouts for police or firemen, passport tracking for known terrorists. I can't help it that 'Joe Deviant' might be using it to look for foot fetish webcams."

Dr. Jablome responded, "It's the capability provided by this service that makes it easier for people to become 'Deviant'. Now you can easily find sites like 'lickmydirtyfeet' or 'watchmysisterfart', not that I'm recommending those for your readers of course, I'm just saying."

Google was expected to start the new project this month, but finding that funding is challenging given the state of the economy. "We had started to talk with a couple of banks", Page said, "but then our loan officers called us looking for jobs themselves." Google is still searching for funding to get the project off the ground.

Dr. Jablome's classroom web cam 'classroomdancingPHD', features the doctor's disco moves to 70's music for 30 minutes after each class.

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