Written by John Carroll
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Topics: The Spoof, Death

Friday, 28 May 2004

image for Hundreds Die in Fatal Crash
A distant relative of John Carroll's computer mourns the loss of it's kin.

Just earlier today, the horrible crash of The Spoof writer John Carroll's computer resulted in the deaths of hundreds of files. The final death total is still being tallied, but experts are projecting it may near the thousands. Among the dead identified so far - Battlefield Vietnam, which was seeing an increase in usage; Unreal Tournament 2005; And, most prominently, hundreds upon hundreds of items of porn.

John Carroll's computer is remembered to have been a light-hearted Pentium III, and while the computer and John Carrol himself didn't always agree on some subjects, friends and family members recall that they always made up in the end, and were practically inseparable up until the unfortunate accident. Controversy rages on what was the cause behind the crash. While some experts believe that the computer, which John had received as a birthday present 3 years ago, had simply lived out it's usage and died of old age. Others, however, believe there was some malicious intent within the crash, the major suspect being John Carroll's computer's long-standing rival Gator and their partner, Gain Network.

Funeral arrangements for John Carroll's computer have been scheduled for Saturday, May 29th, at 6 PM in John Carroll's garage. After the funeral, John says that he'll "probably try to save up for some cash to buy a new computer, or maybe just try to reinstall XP, or something". A separate funeral has been arranged for John Carroll's massive amount of porn, which will be held on Sunday, May 30th, at 7 PM.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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