Itchy Sarah Palin, mayor of Wasilla, Alaska which has more pubic lice than people sought large Federal grants to find a cure for the crabs. Palin told a Congressional committee charged with investigating Pthirus pubis ("crab" louse, pubic louse) that the little buggers itch like hell.
When asked by Senator Scratchy Pelvis how she contracted the STD, Palin explained that her husband told her that he got it from dressing a moose carcass and that he probably inadvertently passed it to her.
When told that animals cannot give humans crabs or any sexually transmitted disease, Palin seemed frozen for minutes. She then told the senator that he didn't know what he was talking about since her husband had gotten syphillis from a sqirrel, gonnorhea from a wild goat and herpes from an Alaskan hippo and the unlucky bastard had passed each and every one of the STD's on to her.