Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Topics: LHC, Cern, Time, Groundhog Day

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Cambridge, Massachusetts - Like Yogi Berra once said, "It's Déjà vu all over again." If you woke up this morning with a sinking feeling deep down in your gut that everything you have done today seems strangely familiar, like you have already done it before, you are not imagining it. According to a quantum mechanics theory forwarded by physicists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), the earth is experiencing the unforeseen side effects of the CERN experiment.

"The LHC at CERN is not just a particle accelerator," said Professor William Jinkins, Chair of the Physicist Department at MIT. "It's a time machine. A time machine that not only succeeded in recreating the Big Bang, but a time warp as well."

According to Professor Jinkins, we are all caught up in a quantum loop (time warp) in which we are doomed to repeat the same day over and over again like in that movie, "Groundhog Day."

However, unlike in the movie "Groundhog Day," we are unaware that we are in a time warp.

Professor Jinkins says people should not be alarmed because they are unable to detect or confirm that we are in a quantum loop outside of the sense of Déjà vu they are experiancing since the CERN experiment.

"In this case, the old axiom, 'ignorance is bliss' is true," said Professor Jinkins. "We have no mechanical instrumentation in which to measure time that isn't effected by the quantum loop the CERN experiment generated."

That is to say in layman terms that there is nothing that exists outside the time continuum that is not affected by quantum loop. In short, our goose is cooked.

"Ironically," says Professor Jinkins as he reflects. "We have only our innate human sensory perception between the mind and hand called Déjà vu to depend upon and tell us that we are stuck in a quantum loop."

"Ironically," says Professor Jinkins as he reflects. "We have only our innate human sensory perception between the mind and hand called Déjà vu to depend upon and tell us that we are stuck in a quantum loop."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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