Written by Paul Bavill
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Topics: Baby, Birth

Wednesday, 26 May 2004

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First moments captured live on Reality TV

A woman has given birth to a baby boy who was conceived using 21-year-old's sperm, it has emerged.

Doctors at St. Mary's in Manchester claim this is nothing out of the ordinary and don't know what all the papers are making a fuss about.

The boy's father, Darren Townley a joyrider from Moss Side, told journalists. "It's a miracle. When I had her in that bus shelter, it was minus five outside and there was a strong wind. I was sure I'd frozen my sperm. This is an important breakthrough for me as from now on I'll be using a condom."

Doctors felt the need to stress that freezing sperm was safe and worthwhile.

This incident has sparked a wave of interest from renowned geneticists, embryologists and the cryogenics industry across the globe, and the new family have been invited to give a series of lectures to the Royal College of Biologists.

Many leading scientists have debated the point that using frozen sperm is just another case of scientists playing god and have claimed that people like Darren should not be allowed to breed.

Professor Rolf Lighthowler of the University of East Lincolnshire (formerly Grimsby Special Needs College of Technical Drawing) told reporters "This is a travesty of nature. Quite clearly Darren cannot be responsible for tying his own shoelaces let alone bringing a new child into the world"

Darren has dismissed his remarks as being those of a "blank firing ponce".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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