Philadelphia PA-- An unexpected eclipse panicked millions of East Coast residents last evening. The terror spread to the Midwest and then the West Coast as the full power of the celestial event was unleashed. Grown men wept in the streets as it became apparent the world was ending.
The sky eerily turned from a bright blue to a dull grey, even though the sky remained cloudless. There was a noticeable drop in temperature. Even the birds fell silent, as though they sensed the Apocalypse was near.
The president gave an impromptu press conference on national TV with his chief science advisor, Dr. Karl Saygun. The two men only frightened people even more.
Dr. Saygun said this was neither a solar nor a lunar eclipse, but rather an 'earth eclipse'. He said this 'earth eclipse' was the first one ever recorded, and there was nothing science could do to help.
"The earth is actually blocking out the sun as we speak." said Dr. Saygun in a trembling voice. "No one expected something like this."
President Bush was close to tears as he addressed the nation. "Pray now, that's all. Just pray. It will all be over soon."
Utter, complete darkness soon blanketed the country coast to coast.
Curiously, the 'earth eclipse' was not too big a deal in Canada or Mexico.
"We call that the sunset, here in Canada, you frikin' morons!" laughed a Torontonian. "You ponces are unreal!!"