Rivers of molten lava once froze the ancient city of Pompei dead in its tracks and since then scholars, tourists and curiosity seekers have come to the site to view the unusual phenomenon. Italian officials in charge of protecting the ancient treasure have begun to realize that today's tourists are more destructive than Vesuvius itself.
"They come here eating Mac Donald's with their innumerable plastic bottles and their absurd desire to climb all over Pompei and photograph each other standing, laying and even getting laid throughout the city!", according to Italian Park Ranger Riccardo, " We try our best to keep them at bay but we might as well be trying to corral hot lava. The minute you turn your back there they are in their half naked halter tops and hot pants as if they come from some prehistoric tribe that inhabited the region before Romulus and Remus were weaned by the she-wolf!"
"They love to photograph the quaint sidewalk signs like cave Cano (beware of Dog!) but, we are planning on placing our own signs saying: Beware of Homo Turistica Cafone!"