Washington, DC - Affectionately known as "Big Mouth Al" among his Chicken Little environmentalists and liberal Hollywood friends, Al Gore recently called on America to reduce carbon emissions by challenging our nation to commit to producing 100 percent of our electricity from renewable sources within 10 years. In exchange, Gore promises that only then will he remain silent about reducing carbon emissions.
Until then, however, prepare yourself for an earful of radio speeches, TV appearances and endless press junkets on the subject of global warming.
"Remember, I presided over the Senate," said Gore. "I know how to filibuster."
"To hell with saving the environment," said Homer Headon, self-described inventor. "I'm gonna get me so of that reward and shut that man's pie hole up once and for all."
Despite Headon's officially holding a fourth grade education and having had the misfortune of been struck by lighting in the head twice and surviving, he holds several hundred patents in automotive exhaust manifold design. Some have called him a genius.
"Al Gore britches and whines like a whore," said Headon. "I never heard a man moan so much about anything, much less about global warming and the coming judgment day. He done scared the hell out of my chickens. Now they don't lay as many eggs as before."
Headon estimates it will take him just about ten years to invent, or what he calls "think up," the technology to meet Al Gore's carbon reduction emissions challenge.
"When I'm done thinking up something that will finally shut that man up, I just know my chickens will be laying like the used to," said Headon. "But for now, they'll have to wear ear plugs. You best get a pair too, because it's gonna be a long ten years of hearing that man talking without them."