Professor Ivor Prescripton, a research chemist from the University of Nowhere, has found a cure for no known disease.
Professor Prescription had been casually dipping blue bits of litmus paper into his lemon tea when he had a brainwave, or as people in the professor business say, an "Eureka".
He explains, in words of as few syllables as his superior education and posh accent will permit:
"I was staring at my lemon tea, thinking, what if E didn't actually didn't equal MC squared, or that Darwin was wrong or that Girls Aloud could sing in tune, when I suddenly invented Hydrodispeptigogenic Phosphate Dichlorideaminopleurotol, or HPD as I have quickly and efficiently shortened it for the convenience of HM the Queen when she gives me an OBE.
"What make this a truly remarkable discovery is that it is the absolute cure for no known disease, and the Dean of the Unversity, whose name is Fred, and not Dean, is chuffed to bits that this momentous occasion has occurred during his Deanship.
"I am off to the United Nations on Monday at the start of my world tour to explain this miraculous cure for which there is no disease, yet.
"It's a fabulous testament to British inventiveness and technology that I now have a brand new cure waiting for some disease to come along. And what's more it's a British discovery."